I don’t remember when I got Jasper. It was so long ago that I barely remember not having him; in my mind my adulthood (which commenced after grad school) is intertwined with both cats. I got Orion first, not long after I moved to Raleigh. After a few months, I decided that he was lonely all day and needed a friend. So, I went to an adoption fair held at the local arena http://www.rbccenter.com/. I was looking for a cat who would get along with others but that could also be surrendered back to the agency if he didn’t get along with Orion. And yes, a he. I like boy cats better.

Jasper was there. His name was Sutton, and he was curled up in the back of his crate facing away from all the people. He wanted no part of being there. I was drawn to him for some reason. So, I paid the fee, took him home, and went about getting him introduced to Orion.

Oh, and I changed his name. Sutton did not suit him.

The introductions went fine, as long as Jasper realized that was Orion’s house.

We moved a year and a half later.

I broke my ankle that week. Mom came down. We both witnessed the boys have a, shall we call it a discussion, about hierarchy. No fighting, just growling and staring each other down with their hackles up. Lasted a good long while. It seemed to me that it worked out thusly: Orion could go around acting like the alpha male until he got too uppity, at which point Jasper would smack him down.

When I first got Jasper, he wanted not much at all to do with me. And he didn’t make a sound. It took him about two years to get comfortable, and then he started attempting to make sounds, but mostly just opened his mouth at people.

When I moved in with PB, Orion moved in with my parents. PB is allergic to cats, and Orion hated him. We thought it would be easier on PB’s allergies with only one cat. Orion has more people now, so he is happier. And Jasper blossomed as an only cat. For nearly a year, he was friendly, affectionate, and even occasionally noisy. He was still my cat, but he also bonded with PB. Especially during the months I was working in Lynchburg.

We spend the month of December hanging out. After Christmas, he stopped eating. He lost weight rapidly. We tried giving him an antibiotic shot to reduce the swelling in his gums, but it didn’t work. The vet believed that his kidneys had started to fail after years of steroid shots to keep the inflammation down.

He continued to deteriorate, not eating, drooling blood, and crying as he tried to use the litter box.

It was time.

We took him to the vet on January 10. He was quiet the entire ride in; normally he cried in the car. They put us in a room right away; I was crying the whole time. He was very calm. The vet asked if we wanted to try one more steroid shot, just to see, but I knew it was time. He was no longer his happy, sweet self. I was worried that Dr. Williams would be judgmental, but he was supportive. He explained the procedure to me, including the fact that with cats he preferred to give them anesthesia first, as they are easily stress. He told me I could be with him when he gave him the injection.

They took Jasper back to the surgery room to prepare him and then came to get me. The vet techs, who all knew him, were crying right along with me. I rubbed his head, scratched his ears, and told him I loved him and that he was a good cat, my sweet boy, and that I would miss him. The vet told us that he didn’t fight at all, which he takes as a sign that it’s time.

The vet techs made an imprint of his paw for me; we brought that and an empty carrier home.

Oh, do I miss him. Especially when I come home and he’s not there to greet me. The house seems emptier without him.

Jasper, c.1995-2012

I was stunned and didn't respond.

PB: "Yes?"

Of course yes!

He'd tried looking on his own and was overwhelmed. And I didn't need the big surprise proposal- in fact, that's not my style at all. So, it's non-traditional, but works for us, which is all that matters.

Monday morning we headed out, both nervous. Not like I've done this before either. I turned around towards him as we were getting ready to walk out the door. At which point I said, "Honey, are you really going to bring your stress ball?" He'd grabbed that instead of his chapstick. It made me laugh. Oh the subconscious!

We headed out to the jewelers. The plan had been to look at several places, but the first place we went had a ring we liked and could afford (we're not into financing things) plus the offer a lifetime warranty and full-value trade-ins for life, which means that we can upgrade to something larger when we can afford it. The warranty is important, as it covers stone replacement among other things, and I am a.) known to be death on rings and b.) about to start a job where I'll be working with my hands a lot.

The ring had to be sized, so we couldn't pick it up until 6. As we drove off, I started to freak out a bit. In fact, when we got home we sat on the couch for nearly an hour in full-freak out. Luckily it was both of us. Not because we don't want to do this, but because it's a big change.

We headed off to one of his aunt's houses to celebrate both Christmas and the fact that his cousin is visiting from Japan. When dessert was being served, we said that we had to leave in order to go see my sister. PB added, "But first we have to pick up her engagement ring." There was silence as it took it a moment to sink in, and then everyone congratulated us. Several of his aunts were crying.

We picked up the ring, headed out to my sister's and told them in person, and then called my parents and brothers. And my sister-in-law, who may have in fact squealed. And then danced around her kitchen. Apparently, the families approve.

Apparently now we have to plan some sort of wedding though. Not so much looking forward to that.

PB: I told you I'd clean the kitchen tonight.
WG: I know, but you got home an hour late and you have to update your resume and pack for your trip.
PB: But I said I'd clean the kitchen.
WG: If you really need to clean something, you could clean one of the bathrooms.
PG: I like cleaning kitchens better.
WG: So does everyone everywhere.

Later, PB and WG are sitting on the couch.
Jasper: Walks up to PB, sits down, and meows quietly.
WG: Jasper, what did you just tell him?
PB: He doesn't have to tell you. Bros before hos.

I think it's more that it just continues to show me that everyone else's lives and relationships are moving forward and mine is stuck. PB and I had a long argument a few weeks ago because he wants to buy a house. However, I pointed out to him that I'm not willing to buy a house with someone I'm not married to. I did concede that I might relax that if I were engaged, to which he replied that he hadn't even thought about that "yet".

(I have mentioned the mortgage sans commitment thing before. I know I did.)

When exactly did he plan on thinking about it?

I guess he is now, because he keeps complaining about how much rings cost. (And apparently I'm not allowed to help with the cost.) I think I'd be willing to forgo a ring if he wanted to just go off and get married somewhere, but he wants to have a wedding or at least a reception.

I could not care less about that part. I just want to move on to the next chapter of our lives. And although I want to be with him, I am so sick of waiting for him that a part of me just wants to take my cat and leave. It's a small part, but still, it's there.

Also, now I need winter stuff.

Good news is I need new shoes! I do like shoe shopping.

But today is Friday. And I got to come home, to Richmond. I took the long way, which is mostly 2-lane roads, so if you get stuck behind a farm truck or something, it can really slow you down. But, I had no time crunch, and it's a prettier drive. Today I got lucky and the trip went smoothly.

Now I am sitting, waiting for PB to get here, because he had to travel to Virginia Beach today for work. We're supposed to go to a party tonight, but that depends on how he's feeling. Tomorrow is date night at my favorite restaurant. And I am looking forward to it.

My roommate was, by this point, waiting outside by the car. When I told her what had happened she said, "I would have just walked out with it. His fault. And he was slow." I'd be lying if I said that thought hadn't crossed my mind, but then it would always be the tainted sweater. I just couldn't do that.

Should I have done that? Would you?

My roommate likes to sleep cold and she has a heated mattress pad. She doesn't understand why I'm so cold. I need to get a thermometer.

We do not talk about when he's actually going to ask me to marry him. I'm not sure what he's waiting on. I don't know what it is he doesn't know yet. In your 20s, 2 years isn't that long. We, however, are in our mid to late 30s, which, to me, means that you know yourself better and are therefore in a better position to make that decision in a shorter amount of time.

Yes, we did just buy a mattress together. To him, that symbolizes a higher level of commitment than just living together. Me, I am still frustrated with all the marriage/kids talk that is mostly hypothetical at this point. It makes me want to scream at times. Patience has never been my best thing, but there's also the part where we'd like to have kids, and I'll be 36 in just about a month. So, it's not like we have tons of time to waste. And I don't really relish the idea of getting married and immediately popping out a kid, but at the rate he's going, I probably should consider being pregnant at the wedding.

I might be keeping my fingers crossed for twins.

Now I've been to 4. We went out to Malvern Hill, which was where the last battle of the Seven Days' Battles were fought. And we took a leisurely 1.5 mile walk around the battlefield.

While listening to the podcast.

And we thoroughly enjoyed it.

But this weekend, we aren't doing that. We don't have many plans. Tonight we're going to a cider tasting and to dinner, but otherwise, I think we're just going to hang out. Well, and I'm going to go shopping for the food bank drive/contest at work.

Oh! And I'm meeting my book club for brunch on Sunday. I haven't seen them in a while, so it will be good to get together.

Friday mornings are usually good though.

(Sidenote: PB wasn't sleeping well either.)

However, we didn't necessarily want to buy a new mattress. We'd like a king sized bed, and it would fit in our current place, but our plan is to move in the somewhat near future, and we didn't want to have to rule out places based upon whether or not our bed would fit.

I decided that a memory foam topper could be the answer. I decided to order a 3" one from Costco, partially because it got good reviews and partially because they have a fabulous return policy should it not work out.

It was delivered to PB's work on a Wednesday. That Friday he brought it home, we took it out of the packaging and put it on the bed.

It smelled like mint.

We decided that would probably go away eventually. We made the bed and went to cook dinner.

When we went to bed that night, it still smelled like mint. We also discovered that rolling over was work. Serious work.

And rather than helping with support, it was crazy soft. And kind of warm. After about an hour, I went and slept on the couch. I returned to bed around 3AM to find that PB had ripped the pad off of the bed. Pulled it out from under the sheet. We both slept much better after that.

We returned it to Costco the next morning. PB suggested we go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond (which I always hear as if Buzz Lightyear is saying it) and look at other toppers. We did, but I was reluctant to buy one, no longer convinced one would help.

After we walked out, PB said, "Want to run into the mattress store (which was just next door) and just get an idea of what we could get?" So we did. The saleswoman asked us what we were looking for, and we explained that the issue is that he likes a soft mattress, and I need a firm one. She showed us the newest one they had, a firm mattress with a not too soft pillowtop. We both liked it, but after she told us that it was nearly $2000 after $1000 off, we moved on. I was a bit confused that she said that the sale placed the mattress into a guest bed price range, because who spends that much on a bed that hardly gets used.

We didn't like any of the other mattresses as well. She took us into the back to show us floor models. We found one that was OK. She said, "This one is only $30 less than the first one you tried."

We had misunderstood the price. So we went back and looked at the first one again. We went to the Cheeburger Cheeburger next door to talk about it over a milkshake. (The saleswoman was wonderful. Patient, non-pressuring, knowledgeable. I would recommend her to anyone in the area looking for a mattress. So, all one of my local readers, let me know if you need a mattress!) We needed to talk it over. We haven't made any purchases that large together, so it was a step. Ultimately we decided to use some of the money left over from our vacation fund and make what we decided was a worthwhile investment. Good sleep is important.

It was delivered two days later (also an excellent experience!). We are both sleeping much better now.

Now I miss my Richmond bed.