Tonight was a gorgeous night. Again, no need for a coat.

I had a very frustrating lesson, but in the end I rode the best canter I've ever ridden.

When a Percheron/Thoroughbred cross steps on your foot? It hurts. A lot.

I had my first Turkey Shoot related freak-out today. It was of the "OMG! I can't get it all done!" type. Which, I can get it all done. I shall list what I still need to do.

1. Order targets (we have enough to get started with. I've requested quotes.)
   
2. Laminate the colored targets (groups shoot by target color).
   
3. Buy passes (am getting check tonight).
   
4. See if any Jaycees want to buy a shirt.
   
5. Shift captain training.
   
6. Check gun locks.
   
7. Hang new sign.
   
8. Buy snacks/drinks for manpower.
   
9. Figure out why my keys don't work.
   

In other news, I rode Dodi yesterday. Now, a TB/Percheron cross has always been my dream horse. She was fabulous. Sweet, willing, although a bit slow to pick up things. She's still a baby, so she's got lots of growing/training yet to do. I may change the horse I lease.

Occasionally, I have panic attacks while riding. It goes back to the accident. It will always be in the back of my mind, but sometimes it visits the front. Heather is patient and works with me to fight through it.

Last night, I was riding Sandi bareback. Backing her up, which is not something that is difficult or should cause any instability, had me nearly in tears. We spent most of the lesson working on it. I got calmer, able to stop her when I felt she was backing uncontrollably. We pushed it until I knew I couldn’t push it anymore. I ride again tonight. This time I’ll have a saddle and we’ll work on the backing some more.

Occasionally, I have panic attacks while riding. It goes back to the accident. It will always be in the back of my mind, but sometimes it visits the front. Heather is patient and works with me to fight through it.

Last night, I was riding Sandi bareback. Backing her up, which is not something that is difficult or should cause any instability, had me nearly in tears. We spent most of the lesson working on it. I got calmer, able to stop her when I felt she was backing uncontrollably. We pushed it until I knew I couldn’t push it anymore. I ride again tonight. This time I’ll have a saddle and we’ll work on the backing some more.

I am part-leasing a horse. I get to ride her twice a week plus my lesson. I've recently fallen for her (odd, because usually I prefer geldings to mares) and I think that we will make a good dressage team. So does Heather. You can see her here. Scroll down to "Sandi".

Should you like to send me some sort of congratulatory gift, may I suggest a dressage saddle?

I haven't been writing much because my days are like this:

Wake up. Work out. Work. Work. Work. Eat dinner. Hotel room. Sleep.

Except for the one night where we did stadiums. My right quad was sore to the touch for the next two days.

But, on the weekends, I get my own car. And I can do stuff! Saturday morning a group from work met up to play Ultimate. Why did no one tell me how much fun it is. All y'all are fired.

It's fun, but difficult to play, and there is much running. So, I'd like to play more, but I really need to get into better shape.

Afterwards, I headed out to Orlando for some outlet shopping. Well, mostly to just get in the car and drive, but the outlet shopping was a good excuse, and I knew the guys wouldn't come. I didn't get much, but no big deal there.

Today I met up with our PA and her sister here to go riding. Her sister has 2 Tennessee Walkers, and I got to ride Spanky. Sweet horse- I'd not ridden a gaited horse before, and it is very nice. He is for sale, but is not a dressage horse. Also, I can't really afford a horse right now.

Compound that with the fact that most of my friends are really letting me down right now.

And then? I go to ride tonight, thinking it will de-stress me.

Except that Heather told me that Bruno is leaving tomorrow.

I'd be lying if I told you I didn't cry.

I had a show on Sunday. I warmed Bruno up before I got on him, hoping that it would keep me from getting tired. (It takes a lot of effort to get him going.) We had an excellent show- had our highest score ever on Test A. Our B test didn't go so well- it was one of our lower scores, but I don't think that it was one of our worst rides.

However, we did win 6th place overall for the Introductory class, 2006 at that show series, which was completely unexpected.

(Note: there are links to verify this, but they all include my full name, so e-mail me if you want them.)

Guess what I did for the first time since the accident?

I jumped!

I liked it!

I had a show on Sunday. It did not go well, in my opinion. My scores were better, but I didn't feel like I had improved any. I was very frustrated with Bruno and myself and the wall we've hit.

I hoped that I wasn't riding him today. It wouldn't have been a good experience for either of us, and it wouldn't have helped us get past the wall.

I got to the barn and saw that I was riding him. I talked it over with Heather, and we decided that I should

First of all, that was much harder than I thought it would be. But it also showed me that he can do it, I just have to ask the right way. Which for him means I have to be a little more forceful.

My first day went well. It was the usual orientation stuff, but I am thinking I am going to like it there. (Actually, I was told I would.) I may even have a career path. And there is engineering involved! That's about all I'll say on it though.

I had a lesson tonight. (One more thing: New job is 15-20 minutes from the barn. Yay!) I rode Bruno, and have decided I'm going to work on him for the next few weeks. If I can get him to move forward consistently, he's a good looking horse. I think I may do better in the dressage ring on him.

  Entering the Arena 
  Originally uploaded by H2O girl.

So this weekend my parents came down.  On Saturday, we went to pick up my kayak.  I am so excited to have it.  Now I just need to get the right saddles for loading it onto my car.  (Note:  my father did provide me with everything I need to transport it.  However, he is used to having my mother around to help him load the boat.  I will be doing it by myself, which is why I would prefer a system like this.)   We then went out to the barn to clean tack and braid Solie’s tail. 

Sunday, I got up very early because I had to be at the barn at 0730 to get ready for the show.  Mom and Dad were still sleeping when I left.  We warmed up at Heather’s, loaded the Old Man into the trailer, and went to the show (the show was at the barn across the street from Heather’s).  We rode our best of the season.  I was told after the first test that Solie needed more energy, so we worked on that for the second.  It was a substantial improvement from the last show, so I was very happy. 

Came home, napped, and went kayaking.  Was very tired today.

Overheard in the hallway at work:

Little Matty:  So how was the riding lesson last night?

WG:  Good.  It was the first time I've ridden Solie under saddle in a few weeks.  I had to use the whip on him to get him to do what I wanted.

LM:  Out of context, this conversation would be very weird.

WG:  How so?

LM:  "I had to use the whip on him to get him to do what I wanted."

My parents are coming down tonight.  (Must clean.  And buy coffee.  Have no coffee.)  We are going to pick up my Birthday/Christmas present tomorrow.  It's a kayak!  Yay!  Am excited.  However, Mom keeps telling me, "This means there won't be anything under the tree for you on Christmas morning."  Age mom apparently thinks I will be on my birthday:  8.  Age I will actually be on my birthday:  30. 

Sunday, I have a show.  With early ride times (I will have to be at the barn NLT 0730, possibly earlier.  Haven't gotten confirmation yet.)  I was finally able to ride Solie under saddle last night, and we had a good ride.  I also had a whip to keep him bent properly and to get him to go.  I think the show will go well.  I hope the show goes well. 

Do y'all have big plans?

For the first time since the accident, I feel off a horse.  Well, actually, I fell off Solie.  I don't fall off of Heather's other horses.  I was riding bareback today (what is with me and Solie and the bareback?), and when I was getting on, he wasn't paying attention.  So all of a sudden something was on his back, and he jumped a bit sideways.  I came off the side, and landed on my forearms and face.  Nothing broken!  I have now completed all the major hurdles in my recovery.   

When I called mom to tell her, she said, "Are you broken?"

We've been working on circles and corners in preparation for today's show.  And those went much better.  Actually, I felt that my rides were the best they've been.  Unfortunately, this judge was very tough, so my scores were low.  She made some valid comments, but I feel like she really low-balled me.  It's one of the frustrating things about dressage.  Although, she did say Solie and I made a "cute pair", but as this is not a pageant, cuteness doesn't count. 

So, my parents are planning to come to the next show.  I have mixed feelings about that.  Now, not only will I be stressed about showing, but I will be stressed about my dad being here.  To put it mildly, my dad is not the most easy-going person in the world.  I cannot explain to him, like I can to others, that I get nervous before a show, and Nervous Watergirl = Snappish Watergirl (Heather knows, and deals quite admirably.)  Also, my dad is never on time for anything.  We will be waiting for him to show up to his own damn funeral.  The dressage world is the type of world where ride times are given as 10:24, 10:39, etc.  It is not a world that cottons to lateness.  Also, I stress when I am late.  So anyway, September's show should be a disaster of epic proportions.  So looking forward to that.

Show Sunday.  Ride times?   0900 and 1031.  Time to be at the show?  0730.

So, I was browsing cars online today, and the ones I want?  Are expensive.  More than I want to pay, even used.  Depressing.  However, it's not a problem for now, because I have delayed all life-altering decisions until after I pass the PE.  Which means that in December (hopefully!) I can think about a new(ish) car, and maybe look for a new job, and really think about whether or not I want to stay in North Carolina.  (To my NC friends:  Nothing personal.  I love you all and invite you to move with me!)   It's not that I don't like NC; I do.  I just don't love it, and I don't feel that there is much holding me here.  That said, I don't know where I do want to go.  I'd go back to MA, but the cost of living scares me.  (Also, once I asked Orion if he wanted to move to Massachusetts, and he bit me.)  California is a no.  Florida is a no.  I'd move to Virginia if I could live in the Culpeper-Orange-Madison area, but the jobs in my field aren't there. 

I rode yesterday; this was after cancelling lessons (the scheduled and the make-up).  I actually just paid for the missed lesson, because my last riding lesson wasn't fun.  I was looking for the ride to do what it usually does- raise my spirits.  It didn't do that, even though I rode (and specially requested) Solie.  Riding is what I do to get away from life, and if it wasn't going to do that, I didn't want to ride.  Unfortunately, I have a show coming up.  So, I sucked it up yesterday and went.  It was a better ride, technically.  I'm still not spiritually there, and am concentrating way too much on the mechanics. 

I spent three days this week doing field sampling.  (Very hot!)  I walked in to Cool Boss's office today, and he said, "You're brown!"  (Note:  I did wear sunblock.  No burn!)  And the brown?  Extends all the way down to my feet, where I have a Teva tan.  Because I am just cool like that. 

I cantered today, for the first time since my accident.  (This site has animations of the different gaits of the horse, in case you are unfamiliar.)  I've never felt as secure at the canter as I did tonight.  Heather was even talking about the possibility of riding a Training Level test in a show later this year.  (Currently I am riding Intro level tests.)

Mesh underwear and riding are not the best combination.

Today I rode in my first show of the 2005 season, at MacNair's Country Acres, a big, fancy, expensive barn about 10 minutes from my house. (No pictures, as Heather and I were there alone.)   I rode Solie, and we had good rides and got decent scores from a tough judge.  We placed 3rd in our Intro A class, and 6th in our Intro B class.  The A test went better- we were tired in the B test.  I am pleased with how it went, especially for the first show.   We have things to work on, but that's to be expected.

Best judge's comment?  "Nice pair."  Yep, he and I have a history, but, as Heather put it, "You like each other."  Yep, he's my Old Man.  (He's 21.  Lifespan of an Appaloosa?  25-30.)

So, that's the good.  The bad?

1. Solie whinnied at another horse just as we rode past the judge.
2. My forearms are burnt to a crisp, and I will have the worst farmer's tan ever once it heals, as I was wearing gloves.
3. Strange bruise on my calf, probably from the stirrup leathers.
4. The brief period (<2 minutes) in which I was Waterworksgirl.  Disaster averted because Heather is a good friend.

Heather's take on the show is here.

It's watching Gone With the Wind.  Heather was appalled that I hadn't seen it.  She found this out when she told me that Solie looked like Prissy and I had no idea what she meant. 

Last night's ride was much better than Monday's.  We are working toward our first dressage show (June 12).  Wish me luck!

Several of y'all have asked for this, so here is a picture of Cassidy, Castle Farm's new filly, with her dam Sandi and Heather.  (Photo by Chris King).

You can find more pics here. 

I made up last Thursday's riding lesson tonight.  It was a group lesson in which all three of us became frustrated with our horses (for different reasons).  I am showing on June 12th, so I have to decide if I want to ride Solie or Bruno in the show.  By Wednesday.  Also?  I must memorize my tests by Thursday.  This means living room run-throughs, which the boys love watching.  (Jasper:  Why is she running around in circles?  Ri:  She crazy!  Let's run with her!)

Yesterday was my riding lesson.  I rode Solie, mostly with no stirrups, because my ankle was sore.  I went for a walk with 2.0 on Wednesday (our normal walk, mind you) and ended up with sharp pain in my ankle.  Still there when I woke up Thursday. 

Anyway, Heather said, "You know, you're a different rider now.  It's like there's a before [Watergirl] and an after [Watergirl]."  It's true.  Actually, I am a better rider since the accident.  Partially because I am not pushing myself to do something that scares me (jumping), but mostly because when I first came back we had to take it slowly and really focus on the basics. 

Oh, the part where I am lame?  Came home, ate dinner, went to bed.  At 2100.  Lame!

That's what I've been lately, which is why I haven't written much.  See, MW is out of town for a few (where few =6) weeks, and I have this massive list of things to get done.  Also, I had two riding lessons last week.  And the weather's been beautiful, so when I'm not riding, 2.0 and I have gone walking. 

So, first the riding.  Tuesday's lesson was a joint one, with my friend MediaGirl.  (We're on the Water for Life committee together, and I got her into riding.)  Anyway, I was on Bruno, and the lesson went like this:  Frustrated (me), because he's not listening, Calm (both of us), because we got him to listen, Pissed off (him, because he decided the lesson was over when it wasn't).  Thursday I was exhausted and got off the beltline like I was going home.  After getting back on, I almost missed the exit for the barn.  As such, Solie and I took it easy.  We did hillwork in the fields (working towards the canter).  It was a much better lesson than Tuesday.  I can't wait for the canter!

Yesterday, I left work early- massive headache.  Couldn't think.  Was supposed to do SPCs, but would never have been able to keep the dilutions straight.  (Evidence that I couldn't think:  I forgot to lock my file cabinet and I left my watch and ring on my desk.)  After coming home and taking Tylenol, Sudafed, and a nap, I felt much better.  That evening, 2.0 and I went walking where we usually do, but we took a different trail  (Raleigh has a fairly extensive greenway system.)  This trail was less crowded and quieter.  And 2.0 pointed out to me where she'd seen a copperhead (This is not a plus.)  It was a good walk and the weather was beautiful.  (Confidential to MW:  Remind me to take you there when you get back.  But watch for copperheads.)

Today, I am going to MediaGirl's engagement party.  I ordered her wedding gift over the phone.  It's from her registry, but I'm not sure it's what she'll get.  The guy who took the order?  Very confused.  Good thing I've done cashiering.  First, he didn't get the expiration date for my credit card (I had to remind him.  He said, "That's important, isn't it?"  Yes.  They will not process the charge without it.)  Then he promised me someone would call me back with the order details.

WG:  But you never asked for my phone number.
Store guy:  Hmm, I guess I'll need that.

And finally, Jasper, watching kitty TV!

Yesterday I had my first riding lesson in nearly two weeks.  Heather has just hired a new instructor to work Saturdays; it was my first lesson with her.  I was excited about this; when you've been with one instructor for a period of time, it's nice to get someone else in there to "shake things up."   I rode Bruno (Heather has decided he's the best mount for me to re-learn the canter).  Before beginning the lesson, Heather briefed Christina on me (blah blah blah accident-cakes).  Christina also asked me to tell her a bit about myself as a rider.  ("I am a dressage rider and we are working on getting me back to cantering.")  Bruno had worked in the lesson before mine, and even I commented on how slowly he was going.  We decided to do some lunge line work, which would allow me to go with no stirrups and then with no reins.  (All of this is working on my balance.)  After some new balance exercises (which were excellent and gave me a new perspective), Christina said to me, "Your balance problems are all in your head.  Nothing physical is holding you back."

I had a riding lesson scheduled.  But as it was still in the 60s, I planned to ride  anyway.  By the time I got to Knightdale, it had stopped raining.  Apparently if you call the weather gods' bluff, they fold.

I asked Heather if she thought I was ready to canter again.  She thought for a minute, and said, "Not today, and I think you should start that on a different horse.  (I was on Solie.)  Want to guess who?"  The answer was Bruno.  She was worried I'd be nervous on him (he's tall), but she had me confused with another student.  We will be doing some no stirrup work leading into cantering.  I started that today. My balance was good, and Solie and I worked together well.  However, walking tomorrow may be tricky. 

So, when I saw today's  For Better or For Worse, I was reminded of my Mom.  We've faced a similar situation. 

On February 8, 2003 I drove out to the farm for a riding lesson.  That night was the Water for Life dinner, and I had some errands to run before heading out to Chapel Hill that afternoon.  I had been mostly riding bareback in my lessons, as Heather felt I needed to improve my seat.  Solie is an old man and has a cushy back, so I rather enjoyed riding him bareback.  That day was chilly but clear.  I was wearing my favorite UMass sweatshirt for warmth.  The lesson was going well, and we were working on using the reins less and more seat when getting him to whoa.  I was riding in the A-F-B direction, and as we came through the corner at M, Solie sped up.  In Castle Farm's ring, there is a slight downward slope in that direction, so this was not abnormal.

I tried to get him to slow down without using my hands and lost my balance.  I came off his left side, but remember at one point looking up at his neck and the sky.  I don't remember any pain when I landed, but something made me look down at my right leg.  It was bent above my boot.  (My boots come above my ankle.)  I said, "Heather, I broke my leg!"  She said, "Do you want me to call 911?"  I assured her that this was a good idea, and entered into that eldest daughter someone-else-is-freaking-out-so-I-must-be-calm-mode.

I had Heather get my purse out of my car, because I would need my insurance card.  She grabbed my phone and asked who she should call.  I couldn't think of anyone at first; my best Raleigh friend (at that time) was not home that weekend.  Then I remembered that TRgirl had recently moved to Richmond, so Heather called her.  (TRgirl answered her phone and almost hung up on Heather, because she thought at first it was a telemarketer.  Luckily, she realized my number had popped up on the Caller ID.)   Heather gave her directions, directions I knew would not get her to me, but I couldn't help. 

In the meantime, the ambulance had arrived.  Solie, much to my surprise, stood quietly while the ambulance raced up the lane, lights and sirens on.  The ambulance was followed by a fire truck.  The paramedics came out to me and introduced themselves.  One said, "It's nice to meet you."   I told him, "No offense, but I wish we weren't meeting."  He laughed.  I begged them not to cut my boot off, as they were rather expensive.   I was told they wouldn't cut it off if while they were taking it off I didn't scream.  I am certain they expected I would.  I didn't.  Those boots cost a lot.

They put me on a back board and loaded me into the ambulance.  TRgirl called Mom (I knew she would) and said, "I'm going to Raleigh.  Watergirl fell off a horse and hurt herself and she was crying."  She remembers hearing me cry over the phone, and that's when she knew it was serious. 

As they were working on me, I was aware that one of the younger students (I now know who she is) had arrived for her lesson and was watching all of this.  I was very worried about her, and kept asking Heather to tell her everything would be OK. 

They loaded me into the ambulance, and I was aware that some woman I did not know was going to follow me to the hospital and that Chris, Heather's husband, would meet me there.  The mystery woman was his mother, who had dropped by the farm unexpectedly (and fortuitously).  She would pick up Dylan so that Chris could stay with me. 

Before we left for the hospital, the head paramedic asked me if I needed morphine.  I told him I was OK.  He said, "Looking at your leg hurts me.  You're getting morphine."  He then asked which hospital I wanted to go to, and told me where he would want to go if it were him.  A good thing to do here is take the paramedic's advice. 

Off we went to WakeMed.  It was a long, bumpy ride.  They wheeled me into the ER and the hospital immediately took my insurance information.  I argued with the nurse about cutting off my sweatshirt, my argument being "I broke my leg."  However, since I was involved in a fall, I was strapped to a board and they wouldn't unstrap me until they did a C-series.  The nurse compromised and cut off only my sports bra- it was my riding bra with the underwires (still haven't replaced it). 

I was wheeled into X-ray, where I kept laughing at the tech because they X-rayed my ankle last.  I found that very funny.  I know I was in X-ray for a while, but I don't know how long.

When I was wheeled back into an exam room, Chris came in.  He said, "I had to tell them I'm your brother."  I remember telling him I would have to cancel my next lesson and hoped that I wouldn't be charged, in accordance with the cancellation policy.  He reassured me I wouldn't.  He held my hand (or rather, he let me crush his hand) while they set my leg.  They couldn't do surgery that day, because some guy in Holly Springs had shot his mother and them himself, so there wasn't an OR free. 

By that time TRgirl had arrived.   She made sure the hospital gave me pants (they had cut mine off), and she and Chris loaded me into the back of her Pathfinder (the same one Bud just crashed).  She drove me home, went grocery shopping, and protected me from the boys jumping on my leg (Seriously, that was all they wanted to do.  Very helpful.).  She had a soccer game the next morning, and Mom wouldn't be there then and didn't want me left alone.  So I called Cdub, who at that point was really more of a casual acquaintance than a good friend, and is still not a morning person, but she agreed to come over at 0700 the next day to stay with me. 

Mom came, there was surgery eventually, lots of PT, and I am back to almost perfect now (well, anklewise).  But the reason for this post is to say that although this seemed like a bad thing, it actually had some very good outcomes.  TRgirl got in the car to come help me without even knowing where she was going, just knowing that I needed her.  Mom dropped everything to come and stay with me for a few weeks.  Cdub took very good care of me when they all left, and has become an amazing friend.  I lost my job in one of our offices, but convinced another one to take me on.  I am much happier at work now.  And oddly enough, the work Heather and I had to do to get me riding again has made me a better rider.

Yesterday, I rode in my first horse show. It was dressage (well, there was jumping, but I don't jump), and I won a second place and a third place ribbon. Some mistakes, but nothing major. Also, I got some good compliments from the judge. I had a really good time and definitely will do it again. Now I need boots, clothes, and eventually a horse.

In other news, it turns out that I am shallow. My hairdresser straightened my hair on Tuesday, and I got many compliments. So now I am blowdrying it every day. Surprised Cdub on Saturday who said, "It took me a minute to recognize you."