First, I would like to that 2.0 and The Cap'n for having me to dinner, and Cdub, who I just called, for saying, "I'll be right over."

Me: No, it's OK. 2.0 and The Cap'n fed me and gave me lots of alcohol.
Cdub: But you're still crying, so I'm coming.

I would like to also state for the record that I do not hate the cats. I hate the situation.

I also do no believe the boy. I think he is lying, about what I don't know, but I think him a liar. And if he were here right now I would break his nose. Am also angry!

Anyway, the point of this post. I have a checkered dating history. Not much in college/grad school. Too focused on the future. If I could go back and change that, I would. Because I feel like I missed my shot, and now I'm stuck. I love my new job, and feel like I have an actual career, but I don't think it's what will make me happy in the end.

Checkered? Yes. Well, remember how I was completely gutted a year ago? I've dated since then, been hurt, but the boy was the first guy I'd felt really comfortable with since MW- the first one I could really be me with.

I hate dating. Abhor it. Hate trying to sell myself to someone. At the same time, I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. Yet, I'm feeling more and more like that will be the way it will go. I'm frustrated. I'm tired of being hurt. I don't know if I can do it anymore.

Yes, I am lucky. I have good friends. I have siblings who would do anything for me, including Randy, who really doesn't have to. But I am so tired of this, so tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me.

I just want a "home".