Watergirl's World: See, I was right about the part where I wasn't going to date

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August 10, 2006

See, I was right about the part where I wasn't going to date

I just got back from a date with a guy. During the date, he said, "Should we wrap this up?" He also spent the entire time playing with his right ear. And then he said, "So, what'd you think?" (I think I'm sorry I skipped book club.)

When he got home, he wrote me the following e-mail:

From: Boring, slightly odd date
To: Watergirl
Date received: August 10, 2006
Subject: Thank you

Hi Watergirl,

First, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for a wonderful date tonight. You are a very interesting person, and having a background in engineering, it was great to talk to someone with similar interests. I think we have a lot in common, and I was pleasantly surprised to meet someone who is smart, attractive, and as well-balanced as you are.

That said, you may have sensed there was a bit more going on than I was actually telling you during the date. I guess it's time to figure out if honesty truly is the best policy. One problem I rarely had in the offline world was meeting two people at once for whom a relationship seems possible with either. (Brad Pitt may have this problem, but generally speaking, I do not.) I unfortunately find myself in that very situation at the moment.

As it turns out, I am pursuing another relationship at the moment, though it's in the early stages and it's hard to tell where things will ultimately go. If it's OK with you, I would like to remain friends for now, and leave open the possibility of perhaps meeting sometime again, provided of course you're still interested and available. I guess I'd like to close by saying how much of a pleasure it was to meet you! Regardless of what happens, I'd also like to wish you the best of luck in the future!

Warmest regards,
Boring, slightly odd date

I'm sorry, did he just ask me to be his emergency back-up plan?

That doesn't even warrant a response.

09:19 PM

Comments

Oh. MY. God. Zat ees, how you say? Eeenterestink. I just read a thread earlier today about dating more than one person at a time: http://ask.metafilter.com/mefi/44077 (couldn't link it for some reason, likely my own lack of knowledge) See? This is yet another example of why I don't like internet dating. In a way, he's right! It sucks that he was presented with two viable dating candidates at the same time. And it sucks even more for you, cause hello? It totally feels like pity on top of rejection (OK, that's how it would feel TO ME). But in reality, he had to go with the first person he met up with! Anyhoo, he's in a bad spot, you're in a worse one, and who knows if it might have worked under different circumstances? Crappity crap crap. Gah. Maybe I'll go hit on that birdcage cleaner at the nature center.

Posted by Stew at August 10, 2006 10:07 PM

I think the thing is, it was a first date. I don't know at what point the other "relationship" is at, but after the first date I don't expect exclusivity.

Posted by Michele at August 10, 2006 10:31 PM

dating. blech.

Posted by Janet at August 10, 2006 11:03 PM

Part of me agrees exculsivity is NOT needed at this point and hedid not get so deatiled. But there is a tiny part of me that thinks well better to know now then before you fall for him - but still tooooo much detail.

Posted by Michelle at August 11, 2006 08:24 AM

I had something similar happen...I wrote an email basically after I sensed that neither one of us was into the other and he responded and agreed that we shouldn't see each other because he was pursuing someone else, but to keep him in mind, just in case I wanted to continue emailing and remaining friends... My reaction...um, NO.

Posted by Angela at August 11, 2006 08:59 AM

BSOD certainly doesn't win any awards for being exciting or scintillating, but at least he did you the courtesy of telling you he wouldn't be calling and being polite about it. That's worth some marks, at least. With regards to the original point, I think Janet said it best.

Posted by Derek at August 11, 2006 09:38 AM

You're nicer than I am; I'd have sent him an email that said "I'm not your [bleeping] back-up plan!" But I guess everyone else is right, better that he came right out and told you. I guess. NO, you know what? It's not. He could have just not called, you're a smart girl, you'd have figured it out. He didn't have to go through that whole thing where he told you that he had someone else, solely so you would think he's desirable and not a loser. Then to have the nerve to say he "just wants to be friends" with the possibility of something happening later, if this thing with the other chick doesn't work out? PUKE. If he was all into that other girl, he wouldn't be exploring other options (to put it kindly). He'd just see her and see how it goes. Or maybe that's just me. I keep forgetting, guys allegedly think differently.

Posted by Jenna at August 11, 2006 09:54 AM

ummm, oh.my.gosh. is this guy for real? i mean... omg. he could have left it at i'm not sure i'm ready to get involved with someone as wonderfully attractive and intelligent as you right now. your wit, beauty and brilliance have me intimidated but if i ever get over my lack of self esteem i would like to get together with you again.

Posted by monique at August 11, 2006 10:03 AM

After reading some of the other comments, yeah, maybe on one hand, it was good of him to be honest with her and tell her, but obviously during the date, he knew that he was into the other girl (evidenced by the body language and the "shall we wrap this up"). If he knew before the date that he was going to pursue the other relationship, why didn't he call Watergirl before the date occurred and say that then? That seems to me like the right approach to deal with this situation.

Posted by Angela at August 11, 2006 03:55 PM

I really enjoy the formal, writing-to-a-client style. Lol.

Posted by Laura at August 11, 2006 07:13 PM